Thoughts inspired by Madeleine L'Engle

“This winter for the first time I have felt beautiful. It is a good feeling, and I am glad for Hugh’s sake and also (and most important) because it frees me to think less about myself and more about other people. I am surer of myself. I know that I look well, so I don’t have to worry about it, or feel self-conscious, and I can give more to other people.” – Madeleine L’Engle, A Circle of Quiet

How ironic and true this is, and on so many levels. Yet how easily this notion is abused! We do feel freer to focus on others when we feel good enough about ourselves that we don’t need to constantly be looking to our own interests. I used to think that the television show, “What Not to Wear” was pretty vain. After all, the whole purpose of the show is to take a woman who is horribly dressed (or barely dressed!) and give her a new wardrobe, while teaching her to buy fashionable, flattering clothes and wear makeup well. I was always amazed at the last segment, which involved an interview with the woman weeks after her makeover. Every single one said that she had new confidence, and talked about some way in which it had positively affected her life and career. How shallow, I thought. These women have a life-changing experience because of some clothes and Maybelline. But when I experienced the same thing in a different way, I understood.

The summer I was 20 years old, I lived in Paris. That alone made it a dreamy summer, though living there does cause disenchantment with the City of Lights. I lived with three other girls – my fellow interns with a missionary organization. The very first week of the internship was spent in a gite – a rentable home – beyond the outskirts of the Parisian métro line. We lived with some incredible and inspiring missionaries to France and Italy. It was a week of intense discipleship. Entering this internship, I had two years of a degree in theology under my belt. That basically amounted to a full brain with a lot of Scripture, a lot of facts, and a lot of explanations. It is said that the longest journey is traversing the twelve inches between the head and the heart, and I was a case in point. I knew a whole lot (probably much less than I thought I knew) and yet it was not true in my heart. Though in my mind I acknowledged all of these lovely theological concepts, humans live from the heart, and I lived as if none of them were true. The discoveries that week would be fleshed out over and over in my life that summer.

One day during out week at the gite, we were given a two-column checklist, just for our personal benefit. The question at the top read, “Are you living as an Orphan?” We checked off the statements that best described our experience. One side was labeled the “living as an orphan” side, while the other side was “living as a daughter/son.” I remember one side contrasting “Feels condemned, guilty, and unworthy before God and others” with “Feels loved, forgiven, and totally accepted because Christ’s merit really clothes him.” Even though I could have probably explained the basis for that from my head, I had never truly experienced that truth in my heart.

To be known and to be loved in spite of that, I think, is the greatest human desire. I do not want to be loved at first sight. I want to be known – the good, the bad, and the ugly – and loved in spite of all that. We’ve all seen those relationships that end horribly because the people didn’t get to know each other before they started dating. When the tough stuff – the bad, the ugly – comes out, the relationship ends. “I thought it was love!” one says dejectedly. No, Shakespeare has already told us that “Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds.” There is no love without truly knowing a person, and willing to love no matter what skeletons come out of the closet. “Till death do us part.” When I discovered – experienced – God’s love for me like this the first time, it was life-changing. The verse in Romans became blazingly alive to me. Paul talks about how humans rarely will be willing to die in the place of another, but that some may perhaps die for a very good person. “But God,” he says, “demonstrated his love for us in this: that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

It may seem like a little thing. God didn’t wait until we were clean and pure, washed by the bloody sacrifice of Christ, to love us. He looked down at his beloved handiwork that we had messed up, and saw us wallowing in our messed-up-ness, and loved us so much and desired us so much that he chose to do something about it. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit – complete in them/himself – wanted us so badly that they broke that perfect communion. Christ took on our brokenness and died and experienced ultimate separation from God so that we wouldn’t have to. And it was all motivated by love for us. God didn’t wait until we were clean to love us – it is because he loved us that Christ came to make us fit to be in His presence. The fact that Christ’s mission was motivated by love for something so utterly unlovable as me in my selfishness and sin, changed me. Not in my mind – these are things that short-circuit the mind – but in my heart. I, the undesirable and unlovable, was and am desired and loved by God. I’ve never really gotten over that. (I don’t ever want to.)

Back to “What Not to Wear.” These women who find that they can be attractive by simply changing their wardrobe and makeup discover a wonderful thing – they are desirable and noticeable. They feel beautiful. This changes one’s outlook on life. On the spiritual level – Christ’s work shows me that He loves me and desires me. Knowing that I am loved changes the way I live. When we know we are desirable, attractive, and lovable, we don’t feel the need to “wave our own flag” by pointing out our accomplishments, or making sure people know why we’re great. When I do those things (and we are all tempted to make sure we are noticed), it is because I am not actually believing that I am worth being loved. And when I do these things, I am in bondage to myself and meeting my needs. I can not focus on another. But when I truly, deeply have an understanding of Christ’s love for me – and not for any innate goodness that I have to maintain – it frees me. I no longer need to be noticed for every little thing I do. I am free to care for others. Just as Madeleine L’Engle wrote, when I feel beautiful and loved, I am freed to think more about others and less about myself.

This can, of course, be taken to an extreme. When I feel beautiful and secure in my physical appearance, as in my relationship with God, I am free to give myself to others – that is a full beauty. This overflows to love and give life, and does not ask to receive, but gives fully with joy. But there are two easy imitations of this.

One imitation of beauty is vanity. Vanity is not an outpouring of love, but a projection of my own inflated self-worth onto others. On the days when I am vain, I think that everyone notices the perfect way my hair is styled, the stylish outfit I have put together, or the way my makeup makes my eyes look just the right shade of blue.

There is an imitation of beauty that, rather than pouring outward, draws inward, needing to be filled. It takes and empties, and rather than evoking love in its beholder, it invokes the insatiable thirst of lust that pretends to give while it ravenously takes and empties. Maybe lust isn’t the right word, because I don’t just mean this in a sexual way. I think of lust as something that is empty and sees and desires to be filled by something. Like a vampire, it takes drains the life from the very thing it is satiated – never satisfied – with. In this sense, girls can lust after popularity. Joanna can become friends with Rita so that she can get in the right group of girls that includes Debbie and Susan. Once she’s in, she hangs out with Susan so that she’s “in” with the cheerleaders, etc. Joanna doesn’t care a whit about Rita or Susan, but about getting to be “in” with the cheerleaders. They were just another rung up the ladder. Christians can build marriages on lust. A man and a woman who are looking to be completed or satisfied by each other will find that she does not love him but is using him to get emotional and relational fulfillment. He does not love her but is using her to get sexual fulfillment. For both of them – this is lust.

But true beauty is felt in the soul, and it is a gift. It is received from Christ – and it is full and overflowing. We may be easily deceived to mistake the one for the other, but when we do that, it is not our naïveté that confuses us – it is our own emptiness desiring to take. True beauty fills and satisfies, and the only response to it is to overflow in love. Isn’t that exactly what Jesus did to demonstrate his love in the incarnation? His love overflowed and he took on flesh, while we were yet sinners.

Desire, Longing, Satisfaction and Delight

I find it very interesting that God made us the way He did. And sometimes I don't like it. These thoughts aren't original - they're inspired by one of my favorite author's books - Hunger for God by John Piper. The introduction alone is enough to make you want to read the whole book. Even if they're not original, here they are, all the same.

All of life could be summarized into two categories. Desire or longing, and then satisfaction. Generally wherever you are, whatever you are doing, you are either wanting something, or you are satisfied that a desire has been met. Related to that is the fact that we as humans have never (well, with a few exceptions...like being kidnapped...) done anything that we didn't want to do. It sounds crazy, I know. But when I think about it, it is a true statement. Every single thing that I have done in my life, I have done because I wanted to.

I may have only wanted to do something with the tiniest tinge of desire. But even if I said, "Ugh, I don't want to do that," I actually did, because I wanted to do (whatever that was) more than I wanted the alternative. It could be as simple as, "Well, I don't really want to get up this morning. But I want to get up more than I want to be late for work." Or "I really don't feel like finishing my schoolwork tonight. I don't want to get those papers graded. But I actually do want to do those things more than I want to put them off, so I guess I will do them."

Or another more complicated example - I had been organizing a social event for my students, and had missed some fine print in the menu options. That fine print said that 20% gratuity and 7.25% sales tax would be added on to the price of the food. I totally missed that. Or perhaps I didn't, but it didn't totally register in my brain... Anyway, the day came when I realized we weren't charging enough to pay for the food...and the deposit was due the next day. If we paid the deposit (a week before the event), we would be putting the school at least $850 in debt...and there was no budget for the event beyond what the ticket cost raised. I didn't want to write to the principal who is my boss to tell him that this was a possibility (because I am prideful and hate to be seen having made a mistake...) but I wanted him to know more than I wanted him to be surprised by a massive bill. (By the way, after many tears and faithless prayers, God pulled off a miracle that showed me that he is truly able to do more than we can ask or imagine!)

Anyway, all that to say that we humans have the natural rhythm of desire - fulfillment built into us. Sometimes I truly hate this system. Whenever there is an unmet desire, I become impatient and either throw a pity-party for myself, thinking I deserve to have this desire met, or I take on the "heroic" I'm-going-to-suffer-in-silence-and-hope-someone-notices-my-incredible-patience-and-endurance stance. When I am hungry and have missed a meal, when I am starved for sleep and am staying up to finish just one more lesson, when I am lonely and watch a couple hold hands as they walk into one of those wedding registry stores, when I get a craving for some food or hazelnut coffee that is out of my budget, I could go on and on and on...

Sometimes I get really frustrated that this is the way we are wired. I wish that I didn't long to get married, or that I didn't desire to go to bed when I still have hours of work left. But if God hadn't made us with desires, we would never know Him. By nature, he satisfies. This is not to say that I am satisfied by him always. In fact, I am often not satisfied in Him. At the top of my list of desires is always comfort. And what is comfort but all desires fulfilled? I can't think of a definition of comfort that doesn't include the fulfillment of every desire. A warm blanket and a cup of coffee (or tea or hot cocoa) on a cold day satisfies my cold and shivering self, my tastebuds, and my romantic sensibility that cold days demand warmth and coziness. When I am in that comfortable state, I imagine that I will feel that I lack nothing. But every time I have tried that - curling up in my cozy papasan chair with fuzzy socks, a good book, and some delicious coffee - I have found myself never completely satisfied.

Again and again, there is a restlessness that reappears when I think I should be most satisfied. Though I have imagined that I will lack nothing, I feel as if I lack something...and I am not perfectly satisfied. One summer I was dating a guy. I arrived at the painful conclusion that the relationship needed to end. I don't like making waves at all, and my desire was for an amicable end to the relationship while preserving the friendship. One complication - it was a somewhat long-distance thing. So I couldn't see the young man until the end of the week, though I knew what was coming. I sought comfort in every major way - chocolate, a drink and a leisurely book reading at Starbucks, pouring myself into a Francine Rivers book, obsessing over some project or work item, distracting myself by watching a movie, etc. I found none. I was always lacking, and I was lacking that desire for something out of my control to be fulfilled.

It's funny how the things you learn as a child come back to you years later with a much weightier significance. I remember learning Psalm 23:

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

I can just stop there. I shall not be in want. Another translation says, "there is nothing I lack." How interesting - when I seek comfort, I seek to lack nothing, and the Word says that with the Lord as my shepherd, there is nothing I lack.

Here are some other parts that really have stuck out to me:

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.

Delight yourselves in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.

For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.

You'd think that once I've learned something, I will have learned it for good. But no...I forget God's goodness, God's presence, God's ridiculously extravagant love for me, and the good news that I am accepted as a daughter of God because of Christ's work EVERY SINGLE DAY. God made us with this rhythm of desire and fulfillment so that we could truly taste and see that He is good - so that we could know what it is to delight in him. The ability to long and to be satisfied is the fundamental requirement for knowing God. We have no better "receptors" for his glory in our lives. If he hadn't made us this way, it would be like giving a Turtle Fudge Brownie Sundae to a child who has no mouth, no tongue, and no tastebuds. "Well, isn't this nice! I can look at this thing while it melts into a puddle before me!" That is about as delightful as watching grass grow. Or paint dry. Or water boil.

But he has made us with this rhythm. Not only that, but he has given us the one thing that does satisfy. Himself. In some crazy spiritual way that I can never understand, he satisfies more than anything else can. Let me be embarrasingly honest. Tonight, I felt very lonely. I watched my adorable students dance with each other last night, and wished that I was in a place where there were more men my age. (Not that it needs to be easier for God - if he's going to bring a husband to me, he doesn't need my help!) Tonight when I came home, that lonely feeling persisted. So I decided that I would meet this desire by watching "Emma," a Jane Austen story that has a very satisfying ending to the longing-to-marry-dilemma. But it didn't work. Neither did watching sweet proposal videos on YouTube. Neither did thinking through the amazing couples that I am thrilled are getting married this sumer (5 weddings this summer, and I couldn't be happier for each of them!) and reminding myself that if God scripted a beautiful love story for them, he is totally capable of doing that also for me.

I cried out him and said, "Lord, I hate this. I long for something that I cannot have, and I know the one place that that longing can be met - never in a man, but in You. And you know what? That makes no difference to my heart. I don't want to come to you for satisfaction. I want what I want when I want it. I need your help to make me want to want you. And I do want to be satisfied, but in my way, and right now."

Truly he knows how weak I am and how he made me. Because at that moment of incredible weakness - of admitting that I don't even have the faith the find satisfaction and delight in the most delightful thing in existence - he satisfied my heart. I can't fully explain it, but my soul truly found rest in Him. And not because I did something right. It was because in utter frustration and weakness, I told him that I just couldn't do it. That's exactly what he wants.

I used to pray like this: "Lord, I am so sorry. I just thought an arrogant thought again -fluffing myself up while putting others down. Please help me. I'm sorry to ask for help - sorry I need to come to you yet again. Hopefully next time I'll get it right." I can't imagine now, how much God hated those prayers. He says "Come to me, all who are heavy laden and I will give you rest." He says "Come all who are thirsty, come to the waters, and he who has no money, come buy and eat. Come buy wine and milk, without money and without price."

He gives us the free gift of himself. No matter how weak and faltering our faith is (mine is high up there on both of those counts!) he loves to come to our aid in weakness. He says that his strength is made perfect in our weakness. Psalm 107 is one of the best Psalms ever written. It tells the story of a bunch of people who desired something, got themselves in a terrible fix, and then called on the Lord, and he delivered them. AND IT WAS PRETTY MUCH ALWAYS THEIR OWN FAULT! Here is Psalm 107:

^1(A) Oh give thanks to the LORD,^(B) for he is good,
for his steadfast love endures forever!
²Let^(C) the redeemed of the LORD say so,
whom he has^(D) redeemed from trouble^[a]
3and^(E) gathered in from the lands,
from the east and from the west,
from the north and from the south.

⁴Some^(F) wandered in desert wastes,
finding no way^(G) to a city to dwell in;
⁵hungry and thirsty,
their soul^(H) fainted within them.
⁶Then they^(I) cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
⁷He led them by^(J) a straight way
till they reached^(K) a city to dwell in.
^8(L) Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love,
for his wondrous works to the children of man!
⁹For he^(M) satisfies the longing soul,
^(N) and the hungry soul he fills with good things.

^10(O) Some sat in darkness and in^(P) the shadow of death,
prisoners in^(Q) affliction and in irons,
¹¹for they^(R) had rebelled against the words of God,
and^(S) spurned the counsel of the Most High.
¹²So he bowed their hearts down with hard labor;
they fell down,^(T) with none to help.
^13(U) Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
¹⁴He brought them out of^(V) darkness and the shadow of death,
and^(W) burst their bonds apart.
^15(X) Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love,
for his wondrous works to the children of man!
¹⁶For he^(Y) shatters the doors of bronze
and cuts in two the bars of iron.

¹⁷Some were^(Z) fools through their sinful ways,
and because of their iniquities suffered affliction;
^18(AA) they loathed any kind of food,
and they^(AB) drew near to^(AC) the gates of death.
^19(AD) Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
²⁰He^(AE) sent out his word and^(AF) healed them,
and^(AG) delivered them from their destruction.
^21(AH) Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love,
for his wondrous works to the children of man!
²²And let them^(AI) offer sacrifices of thanksgiving,
and^(AJ) tell of his deeds in^(AK) songs of joy!

²³Some^(AL) went down to the sea in ships,
doing business on the great waters;
²⁴they saw the deeds of the LORD,
his wondrous works in the deep.
²⁵For he^(AM) commanded and^(AN) raised the stormy wind,
which lifted up the waves of the sea.
²⁶They mounted up to heaven; they went down to the depths;
their courage^(AO) melted away in their evil plight;
²⁷they reeled and^(AP) staggered like drunken men
and^(AQ) were at their wits’ end.^[b]
28(AR) Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
²⁹He^(AS) made the storm be still,
and the waves of the sea were hushed.
³⁰Then they were glad that the waters^[c] were quiet,
and he brought them to their desired haven.
^31(AT) Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love,
for his wondrous works to the children of man!
³²Let them^(AU) extol him in^(AV) the congregation of the people,
and praise him in the assembly of the elders.

³³He^(AW) turns rivers into a desert,
springs of water into thirsty ground,
^34(AX) a fruitful land into a salty waste,
because of the evil of its inhabitants.
³⁵He^(AY) turns a desert into pools of water,
^(AZ) a parched land into springs of water.
³⁶And there he lets the hungry dwell,
and they establish^(BA) a city to live in;
³⁷they sow fields and plant vineyards
and get a fruitful yield.
^38(BB) By his blessing they multiply greatly,
and he does not let their livestock diminish.

³⁹When they are diminished and brought low
through oppression, evil, and sorrow,
^40(BC) he pours contempt on princes
and^(BD) makes them wander^(BE) in trackless wastes;
⁴¹but^(BF) he raises up the needy out of affliction
and^(BG) makes their families like flocks.
^42(BH) The upright see it and are glad,
and^(BI) all wickedness shuts its mouth.

^43(BJ) Whoever is wise, let him attend to these things;
let them consider the steadfast love of the LORD.

Right now, I want to thank the Lord for giving me the receptors for knowing him - the ability to long and to be satisfied, to desire and to be delighted when that desire is fulfilled. May we always grow in our desire for him and our satisfaction in him. He is the only place of true satisfaction. The most loving thing that he could do is to make us able to taste and see that he is good. He has done that, and he has given us the source of delight - Himself.

Let us thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of men. And let us drink deeply and find satisfaction in him. Over and over and over. We come empty and weak and with little desire, and He gives us Himself - the living water that fills us, strengthens us, and satisfies as it grows our desire for Him. If you are longing to know this, cry out to Him in your weakness and ask him to satisfy you. Remember the chorus, "Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress."

Taste and see that He is good.

It is Finished

The work on the cross is finished. This is an obvious thing. But if you look at my life, I doubt that the story my life tells is one of the finished work of Christ. I love to think about it and dwell on it, but I think I live as if it hasn't fully happened yet - or that it did, but I question whether or not it actually applies to me. Call me another doubting Thomas.

Earlier this week, I had the privilege of speaking with a young man from Côte d'Ivoire. We spoke for awhile on the differences between Africa and America. When I asked him what he believed the spiritual stumbling blocks for America were, he scarcely had to think for a second. He told me that America lives too much by that which is material. We explain everything in terms of what we can see, hear, taste, touch, and smell - basically by things that are quantifiable. He told me that we are spiritually blind. I have been praying with my students at the beginning of class that we would not just know about God, but that we would know him - that we would have the spiritual eyes of our hearts opened to see him at work in our lives and to experience him.

I am praying for myself just as much as I am praying this for them. I am a perfect example of one who loves to mentally cherish an idea - I love to know about God - but I don't experience Him or know Him by experience nearly as much. I will cherish a truth - a precious truth - from Scripture, and that is where it will stop. I am a perfect Platonist with my faith. Plato believed that the real essence of anything was its ideal. Thus, when I look at my chair, I can know that it is a chair because it has some aspects of "chairness" to it. It isn't perfect "chairness" but it is close. Somehow, I can apply this Platonism to my faith. I cherish a truth - something the Lord has revealed to me through Scripture or through a song, a painting, a sermon, a movie clip, pulling a tick off of my dog (yes, that has happened before!), etc. - and yet in my cherishing, I keep that truth up in its isolated cubby-hole in my brain and heart. But I don't give it feet. I don't put it to action. I often don't even consider what it means for my daily life and my thinking patterns and how they should change.

This leaves me as a mental Christian. This is exactly where I found myself three years ago as a theology student - loving the beautiful, precious truths that I was learning, and yet I was not transformed by them. I loved to think about them - to pull them out of the closet, try them on, think about the many facets and aspects of their beauty - but I kept them contained in my brain. It wasn't until God started working on me that summer and showing me the Gospel that these things really began to trickle down into my heart and into my life.

What habitual creatures we humans are. This time I find myself longing to know this God through experience. This time, I have the head and heart knowledge, but I long to experience God. When I asked a wise friend who has experienced and witnessed countless healings, conversions, and miracles about this, I was given this advice: Ask God for more revelation about your identity in Christ, and walk in it. God gives us plenty of revelation about who we are in Christ in Scripture. But I am to ask Him to reveal to me what this means for my everyday life, and I am to walk in it.

This is, to an extent, embarrasingly new. I am a timid Christian. I don't walk in boldness. I remember being amazed by the quote of a persecuted Vietnamese pastor that exposed my timidity:

Sometimes Christians pray for more guidance before they testify for the Lord. We want God to send us a letter telling us what will happen if we obey Him. We want God to take out all the risk. But we know the way to God. We do not need guidance. The apostles prayed for boldness to speak the Word of God, not if they should speak. We need courage and faith. We need to go forward.

I have timidity because I am afraid that I will be let down. Oh me of little faith! And I suppose that I truly cherish my faith and my Lord, but I have resistance in my heart to living that out. Oh dear, I believe that puts me back at square one in the journey of faith! I am truly thankful that I have a God who never gives up on his children and who has promised to complete what he has begun in me!

From the advice my friend gave, I began to look into who I am in Christ. I have often read these encouraging articles, but rarely have I asked the question, "What does this truth look like lived out?" We teachers need to practice what we teach. This week my students learned about the Canaanite gods. One of them, Molech, is a brass statue with outstretched arms. The statue would be heated up (WARNING - this is horrifying!) and a live baby was placed into the arms of the statue. The priest would bang on drums so the father couldn't be too moved by the sound of the child's cries as the baby was burned and began to roll down the arms to the body of the statue. Utterly horrifying. Ironically, the Canaanites (and Israelites) who engaged in this practice made these sacrifices to receive "fatherly protection" from this god. It is sickening - the evil the human heart is capable of. My students then read a quote from a skeptic who compared the sacrifice of Jesus to the sacrifice of the innocent babies. Naturally, they were fired up and heartily disagreed. They then had to define what love is, and explain if there was a difference between the two sacrifices. Once they had their definitions of love, they had to come up with 5 ways to turn their "theory" of love into action. They came up with very loving and very practical ways of living their definitions out. If only I did the same every time I learned something from God's word!

So, application. My challenge for myself is to take the things that I treasure most about God, the gospel, and how God sees me, and ask myself, "what would my life look like if I actually believed this? If nobody knew my thoughts, how could my life explain this concept to him or her?" (Hmm...yet another assignment I had given to my students...) So here is my first one - the fact that my sin was FINISHED at the cross. Here is a beautiful song that the Lord used to minister to my heart. Here is a link to hear it sung with the lyrics below.

Hark! the voice of love and mercy
Sounds aloud from Calvary;
See, it rends the rocks asunder,
Shakes the earth, and veils the sky:
“It is finished!” “It is finished!”
“It is finished!” Hear the dying Savior cry;
Hear the dying Savior cry.

“It is finished!” O what pleasure
Do these precious words afford;
Heav’nly blessings, without measure,
Flow to us from Christ the Lord:
“It is finished!” “It is finished!”
“It is finished!” Saints the dying words record;
Saints the dying words record.

Finished all the types and shadows
Of the ceremonial law;
Finished all that God had promised;
Death and hell no more shall awe:
“It is finished!” “It is finished!”
“It is finished!” Saints, from hence your comfort draw;
Saints, from hence your comfort draw.

Tune your harps anew, ye seraphs,
Join to sing the glorious theme;
All in earth, and all in heaven,
Join to praise Emmanuel’s Name;
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Alleluia! Glory to the bleeding Lamb!
Glory to the bleeding Lamb!

So what does the fact that Christ's work on my behalf is finished mean for me? And what does life look like in light of those truths?

My sin has been 100% taken care of

- I don't have to fear that God is holding on to some anger or wrath towards me

- on the contrary, I actually have all the favor from God that Jesus had

- I also have the same Spirit that Jesus had

- I also have a light yoke and an easy burden

- There is a God who loves me as if I was his daughter who died to save the entire human race

- God takes intense delight in me and loves me beyond my comprehension

- I can have everlasting joy and delight in the most delightful thing in the world

This still sounds like a mental exercise - I am relishing the mental delight (being a Platonist again) that I have at these most beautiful truths, but I need to learn how to live as if they are true...because they ARE! :-) Pray for me as I move from theory to action. I will update soon with what these truths look like as they are fleshed-out.

A Great Hymn

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea.
A great high Priest whose Name is Love
Who ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart.
I know that while in Heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin.
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free.
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me.

Behold Him there the risen Lamb,
My perfect spotless righteousness,
The great unchangeable I AM,
The King of glory and of grace,
One in Himself I cannot die.
My soul is purchased by His blood,
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ my Savior and my God!

from the Dangerous Duty of Delight

John Piper writes,

"By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharoah's daughter, choosing rather to endure ill-treatment with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin, considering the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures of Egypt; for he was looking to the reward. (verses 24-26).

Moses is a hero for the church because his joy in the promised reward caused him to count the pleasures of Egypt as rubbish by comparison. They were too short and too small, compared to the reward. This pursuit of the full and lasting reward of Christ-centered joy bound Moses forever to Israel in love. He endured incredible hardship in the service of God's people when he could have had a lifetime of comforts in Egypt. The power of love was the pursuit of the greater pleasures in the presence of God over the fleeting pleasures of sin in Egypt."

May this encourage you to strive to find more delight in God than in all the delights of comfort this world has to offer - and it has plenty - but He is more.

This morning I discovered that I take more delight in staying in my warm and cozy bed for a few more minutes (snooze button!) than in spending time with the Lord. I know in my mind that at his right hand are pleasures forevermore, and that He is the treasure that our souls will delight in for all eternity. And yet, I would rather stay in bed and spend those early moments in warm coziness than fighting for heart-satisfying delight. (I think this is called "Welcome to Romans 7 and the battle between flesh and Spirit)

I got out of bed, and spent time with him. And you know what, I didn't regret that decision at all. I live in the battle of my flesh and spirit. Like Paul, my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak. Today, though, it was Spirit - 1 Flesh - 0. Thanks to the Holy Spirit's work in my heart and soul - not to any strength in myself - I tasted and saw that the Lord is more delightful than sleep. One small step, but a victory nonetheless!

Someday, I hope that I can experience that which Paul experienced that allowed him to truthfully say,

"To live is Christ, and to die is gain."

Right now, I have the hope that the Lord will wean my heart from the pleasures of this life. He is able.

Here is a contrast of those whose delight is in this life, and those whose delight is the Lord.

"...men of the world whose portion is in this life. You fill their womb with treasure; they are satisfied with children, and they leave their abundance to their infants.

As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness; when I awake, I shall be satisfied with your likeness."

Let us know, let us press on to know this Lord.

The purpose of this blog

This morning, a snow day for teachers and students (!), I was reading through John Piper's book, The Dangerous Duty of Delight. The Lord used this book to end a time of longing, and begin a season of new, deeper longing.

I have experienced a deep and renewed longing in my heart for the Lord in the past few weeks and months, and have not known exactly what that tugging is for. That's not completely true - I do know what the longing is for, I just don't know how to satisfy that longing, because it is one that Satan and my flesh are willing to pull out the big guns to fight against.

I long to live a life that is poured out as a drink offering to Christ. I long to be so satisfied in Him that, as the song says,

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus,

Look full in his wonderful face

And the things of this earth will grow strangely dim

in the light of his glory and grace."

I know in my mind that this is possible, but I want to experience this. There have been glimmers - I remember moments in time that I have delighted to spend time in His presence more than I have delighted in the earthly things that I love. There is a battle for my affections, and right now, I love my own comfort than I love Jesus and more than I love others. But there is hope!

Betsie ten Boom looked at the Nazis who were laughing at her in her naked humiliation and who were beating to death a mentally ill woman, and felt deep compassion for their brokenness.

Darlene Deibler Rose lived in a Japanese prison camp, separated from her beloved husband. Upon hearing the news that he had died in another prison camp, she was summoned by the camp director, Mr. Yamaji, who on his first day as director had beaten a boy to death with a metal rod. She shared the gospel with him with great love in her heart.

Jim Elliot, Nate Saint, Roger Youderian, Pete Fleming, and Ed McCully died 55 years ago at the hands of Waodani indians in the mountains in Ecuador. They had guns to defend themselves, but they did not do so - they were ready to meet Jesus, but the indians were not.

I could go on and on and on. There are so many saints who have gone before me whose stories have left a taste in my mouth - a taste for another world.

I am terrible at keeping up with things that have to do with computers and phones. Even so, I will attempt to keep up with this. I will post things that I have read or heard that have helped me to find delight in the Lord. You see, there are many things that I take more joy in at the moment, but they do not satisfy the longings of my heart. Here is the short list - coffee, chocolate, a good movie, a good book, my warm and comfortable bed, comfortable clothes (nice cozy sweatpants), good food, exercise, cooking, friendships, etc. None of these are bad, but when I love them more than I love Jesus, I am shirking on my duty to delight in the Lord. Not only is this sin, but this is totally missing out on that for which my soul was made.

And so my first official post will come right after this one. Consider this my thesis statement.

May the things that the Lord uses in my life to spur me on encourage you also in your journey to delight in him and in Him alone. Let us not delight in anything, unless God is somehow a part of that. That which we desire most, if not Jesus, is only to our detriment (Elisabeth Elliot paraphrase).