I find it very interesting that God made us the way He did. And sometimes I don't like it. These thoughts aren't original - they're inspired by one of my favorite author's books - Hunger for God by John Piper. The introduction alone is enough to make you want to read the whole book. Even if they're not original, here they are, all the same.
All of life could be summarized into two categories. Desire or longing, and then satisfaction. Generally wherever you are, whatever you are doing, you are either wanting something, or you are satisfied that a desire has been met. Related to that is the fact that we as humans have never (well, with a few exceptions...like being kidnapped...) done anything that we didn't want to do. It sounds crazy, I know. But when I think about it, it is a true statement. Every single thing that I have done in my life, I have done because I wanted to.
I may have only wanted to do something with the tiniest tinge of desire. But even if I said, "Ugh, I don't want to do that," I actually did, because I wanted to do (whatever that was) more than I wanted the alternative. It could be as simple as, "Well, I don't really want to get up this morning. But I want to get up more than I want to be late for work." Or "I really don't feel like finishing my schoolwork tonight. I don't want to get those papers graded. But I actually do want to do those things more than I want to put them off, so I guess I will do them."
Or another more complicated example - I had been organizing a social event for my students, and had missed some fine print in the menu options. That fine print said that 20% gratuity and 7.25% sales tax would be added on to the price of the food. I totally missed that. Or perhaps I didn't, but it didn't totally register in my brain... Anyway, the day came when I realized we weren't charging enough to pay for the food...and the deposit was due the next day. If we paid the deposit (a week before the event), we would be putting the school at least $850 in debt...and there was no budget for the event beyond what the ticket cost raised. I didn't want to write to the principal who is my boss to tell him that this was a possibility (because I am prideful and hate to be seen having made a mistake...) but I wanted him to know more than I wanted him to be surprised by a massive bill. (By the way, after many tears and faithless prayers, God pulled off a miracle that showed me that he is truly able to do more than we can ask or imagine!)
Anyway, all that to say that we humans have the natural rhythm of desire - fulfillment built into us. Sometimes I truly hate this system. Whenever there is an unmet desire, I become impatient and either throw a pity-party for myself, thinking I deserve to have this desire met, or I take on the "heroic" I'm-going-to-suffer-in-silence-and-hope-someone-notices-my-incredible-patience-and-endurance stance. When I am hungry and have missed a meal, when I am starved for sleep and am staying up to finish just one more lesson, when I am lonely and watch a couple hold hands as they walk into one of those wedding registry stores, when I get a craving for some food or hazelnut coffee that is out of my budget, I could go on and on and on...
Sometimes I get really frustrated that this is the way we are wired. I wish that I didn't long to get married, or that I didn't desire to go to bed when I still have hours of work left. But if God hadn't made us with desires, we would never know Him. By nature, he satisfies. This is not to say that I am satisfied by him always. In fact, I am often not satisfied in Him. At the top of my list of desires is always comfort. And what is comfort but all desires fulfilled? I can't think of a definition of comfort that doesn't include the fulfillment of every desire. A warm blanket and a cup of coffee (or tea or hot cocoa) on a cold day satisfies my cold and shivering self, my tastebuds, and my romantic sensibility that cold days demand warmth and coziness. When I am in that comfortable state, I imagine that I will feel that I lack nothing. But every time I have tried that - curling up in my cozy papasan chair with fuzzy socks, a good book, and some delicious coffee - I have found myself never completely satisfied.
Again and again, there is a restlessness that reappears when I think I should be most satisfied. Though I have imagined that I will lack nothing, I feel as if I lack something...and I am not perfectly satisfied. One summer I was dating a guy. I arrived at the painful conclusion that the relationship needed to end. I don't like making waves at all, and my desire was for an amicable end to the relationship while preserving the friendship. One complication - it was a somewhat long-distance thing. So I couldn't see the young man until the end of the week, though I knew what was coming. I sought comfort in every major way - chocolate, a drink and a leisurely book reading at Starbucks, pouring myself into a Francine Rivers book, obsessing over some project or work item, distracting myself by watching a movie, etc. I found none. I was always lacking, and I was lacking that desire for something out of my control to be fulfilled.
It's funny how the things you learn as a child come back to you years later with a much weightier significance. I remember learning Psalm 23:
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
I can just stop there. I shall not be in want. Another translation says, "there is nothing I lack." How interesting - when I seek comfort, I seek to lack nothing, and the Word says that with the Lord as my shepherd, there is nothing I lack.
Here are some other parts that really have stuck out to me:
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.
Delight yourselves in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart.
For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.
For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.
You'd think that once I've learned something, I will have learned it for good. But no...I forget God's goodness, God's presence, God's ridiculously extravagant love for me, and the good news that I am accepted as a daughter of God because of Christ's work EVERY SINGLE DAY. God made us with this rhythm of desire and fulfillment so that we could truly taste and see that He is good - so that we could know what it is to delight in him. The ability to long and to be satisfied is the fundamental requirement for knowing God. We have no better "receptors" for his glory in our lives. If he hadn't made us this way, it would be like giving a Turtle Fudge Brownie Sundae to a child who has no mouth, no tongue, and no tastebuds. "Well, isn't this nice! I can look at this thing while it melts into a puddle before me!" That is about as delightful as watching grass grow. Or paint dry. Or water boil.
But he has made us with this rhythm. Not only that, but he has given us the one thing that does satisfy. Himself. In some crazy spiritual way that I can never understand, he satisfies more than anything else can. Let me be embarrasingly honest. Tonight, I felt very lonely. I watched my adorable students dance with each other last night, and wished that I was in a place where there were more men my age. (Not that it needs to be easier for God - if he's going to bring a husband to me, he doesn't need my help!) Tonight when I came home, that lonely feeling persisted. So I decided that I would meet this desire by watching "Emma," a Jane Austen story that has a very satisfying ending to the longing-to-marry-dilemma. But it didn't work. Neither did watching sweet proposal videos on YouTube. Neither did thinking through the amazing couples that I am thrilled are getting married this sumer (5 weddings this summer, and I couldn't be happier for each of them!) and reminding myself that if God scripted a beautiful love story for them, he is totally capable of doing that also for me.
I cried out him and said, "Lord, I hate this. I long for something that I cannot have, and I know the one place that that longing can be met - never in a man, but in You. And you know what? That makes no difference to my heart. I don't want to come to you for satisfaction. I want what I want when I want it. I need your help to make me want to want you. And I do want to be satisfied, but in my way, and right now."
Truly he knows how weak I am and how he made me. Because at that moment of incredible weakness - of admitting that I don't even have the faith the find satisfaction and delight in the most delightful thing in existence - he satisfied my heart. I can't fully explain it, but my soul truly found rest in Him. And not because I did something right. It was because in utter frustration and weakness, I told him that I just couldn't do it. That's exactly what he wants.
I used to pray like this: "Lord, I am so sorry. I just thought an arrogant thought again -fluffing myself up while putting others down. Please help me. I'm sorry to ask for help - sorry I need to come to you yet again. Hopefully next time I'll get it right." I can't imagine now, how much God hated those prayers. He says "Come to me, all who are heavy laden and I will give you rest." He says "Come all who are thirsty, come to the waters, and he who has no money, come buy and eat. Come buy wine and milk, without money and without price."
He gives us the free gift of himself. No matter how weak and faltering our faith is (mine is high up there on both of those counts!) he loves to come to our aid in weakness. He says that his strength is made perfect in our weakness. Psalm 107 is one of the best Psalms ever written. It tells the story of a bunch of people who desired something, got themselves in a terrible fix, and then called on the Lord, and he delivered them. AND IT WAS PRETTY MUCH ALWAYS THEIR OWN FAULT! Here is Psalm 107:
1(A) Oh give thanks to the LORD,(B) for he is good,
for his steadfast love endures forever!
2Let(C) the redeemed of the LORD say so,
whom he has(D) redeemed from trouble
3and(E) gathered in from the lands,
from the east and from the west,
from the north and from the south. 4Some(F) wandered in desert wastes,
finding no way(G) to a city to dwell in;
5hungry and thirsty,
their soul(H) fainted within them.
6Then they(I) cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
7He led them by(J) a straight way
till they reached(K) a city to dwell in.
8(L) Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love,
for his wondrous works to the children of man!
9For he(M) satisfies the longing soul,
(N) and the hungry soul he fills with good things.
10(O) Some sat in darkness and in(P) the shadow of death,
prisoners in(Q) affliction and in irons,
11for they(R) had rebelled against the words of God,
and(S) spurned the counsel of the Most High.
12So he bowed their hearts down with hard labor;
they fell down,(T) with none to help.
13(U) Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
14He brought them out of(V) darkness and the shadow of death,
and(W) burst their bonds apart.
15(X) Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love,
for his wondrous works to the children of man!
16For he(Y) shatters the doors of bronze
and cuts in two the bars of iron.
17Some were(Z) fools through their sinful ways,
and because of their iniquities suffered affliction;
18(AA) they loathed any kind of food,
and they(AB) drew near to(AC) the gates of death.
19(AD) Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
20He(AE) sent out his word and(AF) healed them,
and(AG) delivered them from their destruction.
21(AH) Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love,
for his wondrous works to the children of man!
22And let them(AI) offer sacrifices of thanksgiving,
and(AJ) tell of his deeds in(AK) songs of joy!
23Some(AL) went down to the sea in ships,
doing business on the great waters;
24they saw the deeds of the LORD,
his wondrous works in the deep.
25For he(AM) commanded and(AN) raised the stormy wind,
which lifted up the waves of the sea.
26They mounted up to heaven; they went down to the depths;
their courage(AO) melted away in their evil plight;
27they reeled and(AP) staggered like drunken men
and(AQ) were at their wits’ end.
28(AR) Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
29He(AS) made the storm be still,
and the waves of the sea were hushed.
30Then they were glad that the waters were quiet,
and he brought them to their desired haven.
31(AT) Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love,
for his wondrous works to the children of man!
32Let them(AU) extol him in(AV) the congregation of the people,
and praise him in the assembly of the elders.
33He(AW) turns rivers into a desert,
springs of water into thirsty ground,
34(AX) a fruitful land into a salty waste,
because of the evil of its inhabitants.
35He(AY) turns a desert into pools of water,
(AZ) a parched land into springs of water.
36And there he lets the hungry dwell,
and they establish(BA) a city to live in;
37they sow fields and plant vineyards
and get a fruitful yield.
38(BB) By his blessing they multiply greatly,
and he does not let their livestock diminish.
39When they are diminished and brought low
through oppression, evil, and sorrow,
40(BC) he pours contempt on princes
and(BD) makes them wander(BE) in trackless wastes;
41but(BF) he raises up the needy out of affliction
and(BG) makes their families like flocks.
42(BH) The upright see it and are glad,
and(BI) all wickedness shuts its mouth.
43(BJ) Whoever is wise, let him attend to these things;
let them consider the steadfast love of the LORD.
Right now, I want to thank the Lord for giving me the receptors for knowing him - the ability to long and to be satisfied, to desire and to be delighted when that desire is fulfilled. May we always grow in our desire for him and our satisfaction in him. He is the only place of true satisfaction. The most loving thing that he could do is to make us able to taste and see that he is good. He has done that, and he has given us the source of delight - Himself.
Let us thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of men. And let us drink deeply and find satisfaction in him. Over and over and over. We come empty and weak and with little desire, and He gives us Himself - the living water that fills us, strengthens us, and satisfies as it grows our desire for Him. If you are longing to know this, cry out to Him in your weakness and ask him to satisfy you. Remember the chorus, "Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress."
Taste and see that He is good.
Good thoughts, Elspeth.
ReplyDeleteAmen and Amen!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this, Elspeth.
I'll have to add that John Piper book to my reading list.